Home > Uncategorized > Results came in, sort of …

Results came in, sort of …

As I mentioned in my last post, I attempted to write some run on sentences for a submission. I posted three that I did not send for your enjoyment and sent three others into the wilds of the internet in search of acceptance. Two were handed back with rejection firmly tattooed on their we little heads and one was held for further consideration.

At the moment, I am pretty happy to have had one make it to the second round.

The thing is, as I read the rejections that I received, I realized that one of them could have been altered in such a slight way and then the story would have been just so much better. Hindsight is what it is though. I will include the alternate ending here. I just wish I had thought of it before I sent my submission in.

As far as the new year and resolutions go, I am going to keep my list short. One item, that’s it.

I am going to edit my novel to a point where I am satisfied to start sending it to agents.

Lots of work to do so I will leave you with my other two subs.

L. E. White

Hobby – This one didn’t make it because it was to dark. Fair enough. I can see that.

I watched the light fade from your eyes and the color fade from your cheeks as I listened to the sound of your last, ragged, painful, breath before I picked up the stethoscope and put that small, cold surface against your chest so that I could hear the final beat of your black, poisoned, lying, treacherous heart before death claimed you; just like it had claimed you every other time I did this, just like every time I was going to do this, just like I promised when I told you that if you hurt my little girl, I would kill you, bring you back and do it again, because everyone needs a hobby, and since you didn’t listen, since you hurt her after you told me you wouldn’t, I have made your painful end a part of my daily routine.

No Title Idea – This one didn’t make it because the ending was to much of a let down. Re-reading it, I have to agree. I was going for a little humor, but now that I see that I should have went with something more frightening. The second version below is what I wish I would have submitted.

I hid under the blankets, wishing that I had a flashlight in my hands like I would have had as a child, even though it would have been turned off to better hide my presence, as I listened to each individual creak on the stairs, the weight making the wood groan as I imagined the monstrous form that was making its way toward the room, shifting from left to right, attempting as much stealth as the old house would allow, before the sounds stopped, which did not indicate that my visitor had stopped, but rather that the lumbering form had reached the hall and was even now slipping along, listening for any sound that would indicate my present level of wakefulness, before the blanket shifted and the bed sagged under the weight of a quiet interloper who made clear its intentions as I felt cold, clammy limbs wrap  around my torso and pull me to it so that the hot, moist breath on the back of my neck could send goose-bumps racing over my body when my husband settled into bed after the midnight raiding of our refrigerator that broke his diet.

New ending: … my neck could send goose-bumps racing over my body because, while I did love the feeling of someone snuggling into bed with me, the fact was that my husband had been dead for over a year.

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