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Review: Hotel Transylvania

The wife and I decided that we needed to go out and as always, we wanted to do it on the cheap. For an evening on a cold winter’s night, that meant our options were limited.

The first thing was to find food. This is as much for her sake as her hunger because when I am hungry, I am difficult at best. I love trying new restaurants and something different while she wants flavorful and spicy.

The other thing was an activity, movies are getting ridiculous and everything else is worse. If you can tell me of a better option in Bloomington or Terre Haute Indiana for equal or less than the cost of a theater, please do. I didn’t come up with anything though so our evening was not looking very good.

She remembered a cheap theater. The cheapest we know of, actually, so we ended up setting out on an hour-long drive to Greenwood for the Cinemark Theater. This place is great, ONE DOLLAR matinée’s and two and a half for an evening ticket. The films are not new releases but we don’t care. Even with gas factored in, the cost for us to go to a film there with popcorn is less than the cost of our tickets at any local theater.

So, we head out and as we are driving, she is looking on her phone for something different for dinner. We settled on Yat’s, a Cajun place that is more fast food than restaurant. The food was good and fast. It also filled out the “something different” requirement very well. If you are near Yat’s in Indy or Dat’s in Bloomington you should give it a try, great food with a spicy kick.

Like I said, we went to Cinemark, got in for five dollars and got popcorn and a drink for around eleven. Popcorn and a drink might be a rip off at a theater, but this was still better than just the tickets at any of the local AMC theaters.

Hotel Transylvania turned out to be a great choice. We loved it. I may include some spoilers in this review, so read on with caution.

The movie is a love story, coming of age story and parental coming of age story, all rolled into one kid friendly comedy. The monsters are lovable and I don’t see this scaring any of the children.

One thing that I just didn’t like was the music. Adam Sandler, the voice of Dracula, is not a vocalist that I enjoy. This and the lyrics just didn’t do it for me. There was nothing wrong with it, just not my taste.

The other thing that bothered me was the ending. Dracula faces humans, who he has been preaching are horrible, is accepted, and then faces the sun and the danger of being burnt by it, with very little issue, a whole lot of acceptance, no bulking to the reality of monsters by the humans they are revealed to and a short time line. The movie did such a good job of building to this that I felt a little cheated by it. Again, this isn’t a deal breaker but I wasn’t happy. They could have done better, a lot better.

I will be getting Hotel Transylvania for my kids. The little ones are going to love it, especially the part where Frankenstein sends part of his body over to play a prank on the mummy. Even my wife laughed hysterically at that.

I just won’t be paying a lot of attention to the end.

L. E. White

Get Off My Lawn

“This will teach them.” He muttered as he sat on the bench in his garage; turning the tiny bolts that held the leg in place. It was almost done and his excitement was beginning to make him shake. He was tired of those stupid kids tearing up his yard. He was tired of their stupid parents that kept calling the stupid cops when he yelled at them or chased them away. What happened to his right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? If he was happier with them leaving him alone he shouldn’t have to try to scare them away with a shotgun. They should respect his rights just as he did theirs. He didn’t do anything to anyone else. He didn’t do anything to their stuff. He respected their rights.

He was tired of being bothered.

He wouldn’t be tired for much longer. As soon as he finished he would be able to etch the symbols on it; the true name of the Jinn that would breathe life into his little steel monster. Once the magic powered it up, the claws, the blades and the razor sharp tail would put an end to their lack of respect.

As he picked up the engraver and giggled. He fought to keep his hands steady as he carved the curves and dots into the plates along its back. He actually had to stop a few times to laugh for a moment. He could see the looks on their faces as his little beast charged at them. It legs clicking on the sidewalk and its claws clinking as it snapped them in anticipation.

As he cut the last swooping arc he felt the metal shiver under his hand.  He stood up and backed away from the bench a step as the scorpions legs began to twitch and tap. The eyes, which were nothing more than two tiny vegetable colanders didn’t glow or anything like that, yet he knew when the Jinn realized he was there and looked at him.

“I have brought you here.” He said. “I carved your true name into this body and granted you admission into this world.”

He waited for some sign of acknowledgement from it; something that would tell him that the spirit understood who its master was. Each leg moved up and down a little before it raised its metal belly up off of the workbench. The tail rose up to arch over its back and each claw flexed once.  He stood waiting on the body’s inhabitant to finish feeling it out. He waited for it to ask him what he wanted it to do. He had built it, he had summoned it, he was its master and all he had to do was to wait for it to realize this. The hollow scorpion he had built to house the Jinn was now filled. He stood smiling down at it while he waited.

He finally stepped closer to look at it. “Did you hear me?” He asked, “I brought you here. I am your master.”

The scorpion’s body was a metal canister with cut up serving plates bolted onto it to make it look a little more real. He had used piped connected by flexible pipe joints to build the legs and an old jewelry box on a short piece of ducting to make the head. The eyes were tiny metal straining colanders he had found at a flea market. The claws were also made of ducting and ended on scissors that had the ducts folded down around the hinge. The tail was a bit of high pressure hydraulic line from a tractor supply store with a butcher knife welded to the end. It was that knife that shot forward and buried itself in his stomach just below the ribs.

He grabbed at the wound when his creation pulled the knife back. Looking at it in shocked disbelief and asked, “Why?”

He only asked once as he slumped to his knees on the floor. That was when the tail shot forward again.

Categories: Flash Fiction, Horror, Review
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